Ask a Therapist - Trusting Yourself

You want to be able to be confident in your own actions as an adult. And sometimes it can feel silly to say things like that to a parent, but these relationships shift over time. So being able to acknowledge, "Dad, I want you to trust me to take care of myself, but when I hear all these things that you're afraid of for me, that makes me question myself." (lively music) Hi, I'm Ryan, I'm a therapist with Headspace, and welcome back to "Ask A Therapist." Our next question comes from Miria. The question is, "My dad has always been a source of support and inspiration, as well as a friend. However, his efforts to protect me have also created significant anxiety. He often projects his fears onto me, which scares me and indirectly controls my actions. Even at 42 I find it challenging to break free from this dynamic because I admire and trust him. Do you have any suggestions for how I can avoid letting his fears affect me?" Well, Miria, thank you so much for asking this question, and it's clear that you care about your dad and this relationship. And I hope what we can share with you today is helpful for you. You want to be able to be confident in your own actions as an adult. And sometimes it can feel silly to say things like that to a parent, but these relationships shift over time. So being able to acknowledge, "Dad, I want you to trust me to take care of myself, and that's gonna help me take good actions and make good decisions. But when I hear all these things that you're afraid of for me, that makes me question myself." Now, that could be difficult for him to hear. And that's where we try to, you know, maybe role play in therapy, for example, the way to communicate those feelings that you have comfortably. I would have the two of you express your feelings back and forth, and presumably, your dad has some fears, either about his own life or about you, and we would have you reflect those feelings back to him. So in an effort to not take those feelings onto yourself, we would have you say to your dad, "Dad, I hear that you're scared. Dad, I see that you worry about me. Dad, I feel the tension when you think about what I'm doing in my life." And by doing that simple reflection, we're acknowledging dad's feelings, but we're also trying to not take them on. So a next step in managing this conversation might be, "I hear you're worried and I'm doing this anyway." Or "I know you're scared and this is how I'll include you in this next step of my life or my journey to help reassure you." I wanna emphasize, this communication is really about validating his feelings as his feelings in a way that you do not have to take them...