Stop “Shoulding” Yourself

Hi, Sam here. Welcome to this practice of affirming our efforts. (steady calming music) Now let's talk a little bit about shoulding. Many things can cause us to tumble into the shoulding trap. We may see our friends interacting with their children in ways that we wish we could or think about the expectations placed on us by other people like our parents or family members. And we may find ourselves thinking "I should have said this differently. I should be spending more quality time with my kids. I should be more attentive and playful." But when we believe the shoulds that our mind feeds us we can start to feel guilt, shame, longing, fear and regret. One way to challenge the shoulds is to tap into gratitude for all the ways we feel good about how we're showing up for ourselves and our children. So let's take a moment right now just to recall what ways have you shown up for your family and children that you feel grateful to yourself for? What ways have you shown up for your family and children that you feel really grateful to yourself for? (steady calming music) And with that, let's just find a comfortable seated or lying down position to practice some affirmations together. And as I say them aloud, try repeating them to yourself, noticing sensations and emotions that arise as you're repeating them. And they may not all resonate with you and that's okay. Just see if you can bring some openness and curiosity to the experience, just allowing any thoughts or feelings to be there just as they are. And I'll repeat each affirmation three times with slight variations. And if you'd like during the practice, you can feel free to close your eyes. (steady calming music continues) So to begin, let's take a couple of slow, deep breaths. Breathing in, feeling your lungs and belly expand. And breathing out, just feeling the chest and belly relax back down. (steady calming music continues) And one more slow deep breath. Breathing in, expanding. (steady calming music continues) And breathing out even slower, feeling the belly relaxing. (steady calming music continues) And let's begin with our affirmations. (steady calming music continues) "May I remember to thank myself for all the ways I'm showing up that I feel really good about." (steady calming music continues) "I remember to thank myself for all the ways I'm showing up that I feel really good about." (steady calming music continues) "I remember to thank myself for all the ways I'm showing up that I feel really good about." And just taking a slow, deep breath. (steady calming music continues) "May I be thankful for all the ways I care about and support the wellbeing of myself and my family." (steady calming music continues) "I am thankful for all the ways I care about and support the wellbeing of myself and my family." (steady calming music continues) "I am thankful for all the ways I...