How to Support Someone in Grief

Today, I'll be talking about how you can support someone experiencing grief. I'll also share how important it can be to the griever to bear witness to their loss and extend compassion to them in even the smallest of gestures. Let's get started. (gentle music) I like to teach people an acronym I created called ACT, which stands for acknowledge, companion and compassion, and talk or tool. This model serves to help folks understand how they can be a support in a griever's journey. So the A for acknowledge, acknowledge the reality of the loss. Sometimes people think, "I don't wanna mention it, because I don't wanna upset them. The griever might feel like people are tiptoeing around them, not addressing the elephant in the room, and the onus to bring it up is then on them. It's okay to gently bring up their loss. They know it happened and they probably haven't stopped thinking about it. Even when they're having moments of peace and joy, the grief is still hanging back there. And so you saying, "I'm really sorry for your loss," is not going to create further damage than the loss itself. Now, let's be clear on something. We do not need to know how the loss occurred. It's not necessary to know the details, and quite frankly, it doesn't change the loss or its impact. Use the words that your friend, loved one, or colleague used to describe their loss, and follow their lead on how they talk about it. If they share that they lost their grandfather and keep it at that, express condolences that they lost their grandfather. Using their own language is the safest way to honor what they're experiencing. So pay close attention to those nuances. But again, at the very least, acknowledge that their loss happened. Next, the C in the ACT model stands for compassion and companion. This is the part I find has been hardest for some people to do, because there's no timeframe on how long they stay in this space. Compassion means you wanna create an empathic stance whenever you're with them. You might see them being busy all the time, or overextending, so you may need to give them the grace they don't have for themselves. They might express feelings of guilt, which often accompanies grief, with thoughts of what they should have, or could have done, or said differently. Remind them that while these are gaps we may never fill, we can focus on practicing self-forgiveness. And no matter where they are along the way, remind them that their grief journey is unique however it is expressed, and that there is no right or wrong way, or a time cap to grief. The companion part is being present. If you can, sit with them. You don't actually have to talk. Sometimes they just don't want to be alone with their thoughts. Being present might also look like bringing over food to make sure they're eating, or...