Can I Run Out of Compassion?

Hi, I'm Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author. I specialize in relationships and setting boundaries, so I've partnered with Headspace to show you how to navigate some of the trickiest relationships in life, the ones with your family. (bright music) Compassion fatigue is when we find ourselves being tired of a conversation with a person. My aunt and her daughter were having an issue and they were both talking to me about the issue and I just felt pulled. I didn't have the capacity to withstand all of the information from both parties, so it was really important for me to say, "Hey, I understand that you all have this issue, and it's probably best if the two of you talk about it and take me out of the mix." I often experience compassion fatigue. There are days where some conversations can be a lot. When you are in a situation where your partner or your children or a family member wants to engage and you don't have the capacity, letting them know that it is too much can be a loving way to not just show up for them, but also to show up for yourself. Checking in with yourself can help you recognize and address compassion fatigue. Picture a family member you often find yourself helping or listening to. As you think about them, ask yourself these questions. Does this person talk about the same issue over and over? Do you catch yourself zoning out while the person is speaking? Not because you don't care, but because you can't hold any more of their emotional weight? Do you find yourself avoiding their messages and calls? If you live with the person, does your heart sink when you hear them come home? Do you feel a sense of hopelessness or despair when you think about this person and their problems? If any of these questions hit close to home, you might be experiencing compassion fatigue. Fatigue impacts not just how you show up for yourself, but it can impact the way that you desire to show up for other people, maybe you start to avoid them, maybe you start to delay responding to them, maybe you start to cut the conversation short so it has an impact on our relationship because we're not really able to be present. There's some overlap between burnout and compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is when you're tired of the conversation and relationship burnout is when you're tired of the person. If you don't address your compassion fatigue, it turns into relationship burnout. When we have compassion fatigue, we might find that we become apathetic towards issues that we used to care about or that we care about in other situations. We have given so much to a situation that we get tired. So noticing that you are now giving up things that matter because you're so emotionally drained can be really important in treating your compassion fatigue. When...