Help — I’m Carrying This Relationship

Hi, I'm Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author. I specialize in relationships and setting boundaries, so I've partnered with Headspace to show you how to navigate some of the trickiest relationships in life, the ones with your family. (uplifting music) When you're in a healthy family relationship, it feels energizing. We need that support of our loved ones. I know that for some of us, we get into these roles where it is all on us to carry the relationship, and eventually that can become too much for us. It's important for relationships to be a two-way street, because both people matter. (upbeat music) This became a problem for me when I had a graduation and this person didn't show up for me and I was always showing up for them. I said to them, "You were not present at this thing. What happened?" To my surprise, the other person didn't even realize how important it was for them to be present. They'd gotten into a rhythm of not having to be, and without me having this conversation, they would've continued in that way, and so just bringing the issue up to them, it made them realize how important and impactful for our relationship it would be to have them there. We often don't realize we're in a one-sided relationship until it starts to drain us. Let's talk about what to look out for. (gentle music) If a particular family member is coming to mind, these next few questions might help you understand if something is off. Do you feel like you're giving more than you receive? When you're talking, does it seem like the conversation revolves around them? Have you caught yourself apologizing, even when it's not really your fault, just to keep the peace? (flowers crunching) Do you struggle to be emotionally open with this person, but always offer them support? (graphic chiming) If you answered yes to a few or all of these, you might be in a one-sided relationship. (gentle music) I had a family member who loved for me to visit them, but they never visited me. It made me feel as if the relationship was really about them, their needs and not my own. And so it really is important in our relationships that we notice when there's not a two-way street, when it's just us giving, giving, giving, and not receiving. We want people to be as present for us as we are for them. When that is not the case, we are not being seen in our relationships. It may be time to address a one-sided relationship when you notice yourself compartmentalizing who you are in your family relationships. We get into rhythms in our relationships that we need to shift over time. So if there's been a long pattern of you not showing up as yourself or you not speaking about your issues with a problem, people don't even know that it's a challenge in the...