Carrying Resentment

(mouse clicking) (gentle music) Headspace Studios. (gentle music) Hi there, and welcome to Radio Headspace, and to Wednesday. It's Eve here. I was with a friend the other day, whose marriage had sadly recently ended, and unfortunately, it was not an easy breakup. Having been through a really bad breakup myself in the past, I knew how hard it was to let go of that anger, that resentment, and I walked away from our conversation reflecting on the journey I'd gone through to put down the heavy bags of resentment that I was carrying, so much so that I wanted to talk about it today, as I'm sure many folks have also felt resentment as well. And resentment does not just show up in failed relationships, it can present itself in our daily lives. It is a complex emotion, as the person who has mistreated you or treated you unfairly may not actually think that they've done anything wrong. And it also comes down to whether the other person is willing to take responsibility for their actions, and if they don't, this too, can add fuel to the fire of resentment. But where there is resentment, there is a reason for it being there. So I think the first thing to say is just noticing and honoring that it's there. Try to be kind to yourself as your feelings are valid. The only way to learn to let go of and process resentment is to first understand where it's coming from and why, not to play over and over in your mind the pain you've experienced, but to make sure, or at least to the best of your ability, that you are protecting yourself from experiencing that same pain again. I know we can't always control what happens, especially when other people are involved, but it can at least help us to set some boundaries and to be clear about what we need. And I appreciate that it really depends on what's happened, so please only do what feels comfortable for you. I am just sharing some things that worked for me in the past when I've struggled with resentment. I would say if you feel safe to do so, have a conversation with the person or people that have caused you to feel resentment and explain why you're feeling the way that you are. When I did this, the person who I spoke to had no idea that it was impacting me so much, and it also helped me to see their point of view as to why they were behaving in that way. And when it comes to in-the-moment situations where resentment is very present, I would encourage you to take some slow, deep breaths, just pausing, even excusing yourself for a moment, just to acknowledge what is happening and how it's making you feel. In doing this, we're not ignoring what is present, instead we're giving it some space, but not letting ourselves get too caught up...