Master the Art of Conversation with These Science-Backed Tips | Charles Duhigg

Connection with other people is the single most important thing for a human being. And the way that we connect with other people is through conversation. Hey everyone, it's Rosie here. Welcome back to Radio Headspace. I'm really excited about today's conversation because we're talking about something that affects every single one of us, communication. It's not about what we say, it's how we say it. And to help us explore this, I'm joined by someone who spent years studying the science of how we connect, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and bestselling author Charles Duhigg. Today, we're talking about his latest book, "Supercommunicators." It's all about what makes some people exceptional at conversations, how they listen, how they respond, and how they create real understanding. Hey, Charles, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. So I've been reading your book and I'm almost at the end and I have to say that I, and I've listened to interviews that you've done and I am a fan of "Power of Habit" and, you know, I'm sure you hear this all the time, but I was so fascinated by everything that you talked about in the book. And I know that the thing that prompted you to write this was the communication or lack thereof you were having with your wife, right? Yeah. I'm curious for you, even after you've done this work and this research, what your communication is like with your partner now. Well, it's a lot better now, right? And so, so the thing that you're referring to is that one of the reasons I wrote this book is that I got into this pattern with my wife. And I'm a journalist. I'm a professional communicator, theoretically. And my wife and I have been married for 20 years. And we got into this pattern where I would come home from work and I'd start complaining about my day. And my wife, Liz, would like, respond with this very good advice. She would say something like, "You know, why don't you take your boss out to lunch and you guys can get to know each other a little bit better?" And instead of being able to hear what she was saying, I would get even more upset. And I would say like, "Why aren't you supporting me? You're supposed to be on my side. You should be outraged on my behalf." Then she would get upset 'cause I was attacking her for giving me good advice. And this happened again and again and again, and I'm sure this happens in your relationships, right? This is part of relationships. And so I went to these experts and I asked them, "What's going on here? Like, why does this pattern keep emerging?" And they said, "Well, actually, it's good that you called us because we're living through this golden age of understanding communication. Like, we actually know for the first time what's actually happening inside your head as...