Setting Boundaries

(air whooshes) (mouse clicks) (bright music) Headspace Studios. (crickets chirping) (soft gentle music) Hello friends, it's Rosie. Welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday. So I was thinking about a time when I had to set some boundaries with someone really close to me, my dad. And for anyone who's gone through it, you know that setting boundaries can be tough. Whether it's breaking away from a toxic friend, a difficult family member, or even letting your boss know that you won't be available after six, setting boundaries takes a lot of energy. But it's worth it, especially if those boundaries improve your mental health. So what do you do when someone's creating tension for you? How do you deal with people that you love who make you feel energetically drained? Today, I'll share how I've been able to draw boundaries, and I'll give you some tips on how you can do it too. My dad is the most emotional person I've ever met in my entire life in the best way. He is just so loving, and my dad's the type of person that would take his shirt off his back for somebody in need. He's also the most codependent person I've ever met in my entire life. When my parents separated, I was 10 and I became my dad's therapist. I shouldn't have been privy to the inner workings of my parents' relationships or how he felt about her, and I just always felt the responsibility to make my dad happy. (gentle music) My dad always drank, so I didn't think that his use of alcohol was ever an issue until I got older and I started going to therapy, and I started to see how his bouts of intoxication would create this different person that I didn't know. I finally decided to set a boundary with my dad when he called me in the midst of one of his drunken escapades. I answered, and I was just telling him that I was on my way to this work event, and I didn't have the time to take his call, and he just unloaded on me. He was so angry. And he had never been mean to me in my entire life. And although he wasn't cursing at me, his energy and his demeanor was just very sharp and mean. And it was almost like it was a great experience for me to have because it really allowed me to see the codependency and the asymmetrical nature of our relationship. After this incident, he had apologized, and we sat down and I had this conversation that was very difficult. I finally said that he could not call me if he was intoxicated. If I could hear in his voice that he had been drinking, I wouldn't take his call, or I would hang up, or I would say, "Let's talk tomorrow morning," and that worked. You can't change people, but you can set a boundary so that you're protecting...