The Antidote to Anxiety

(gentle music) Unlike Thomas who had big plans for 2020, I set out with just one. This would be the year that I cured my anxiety once and for all. It was my only resolution. For a long time, I had been constantly living in the past clinging to memories of when I last felt normal. So when the new year rang in, I decided that there was no better time to figure out how to live in the present. I committed to spending lots of time alone, in therapy, off social media, meditating, exercising, trying to clear my head and weed out what was keeping me up at night all these years. Oh, I'm sure you can guess how that turned out. COVID-19. Coronavirus. Pandemic. The global pandemic. Coronavirus. COVID-19. The virus. Maybe I should have known better. I had tried to cure my anxiety before, and if I'd succeeded the first time, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I was 19, kind of floating through my life until one day, I hit a breaking point. One of those moments of clarity that punctuates your life into a before and an after. I had just finished my first year in college where, I wish I was kidding, I had only attended class 10 times that whole year. My parents and teachers made sure that I knew that they were really disappointed in me. But even with all the pressure, the time I spent alone was actually the worst. I had a constant hum of anxiety, kind of like the static you hear on a radio station. It was just always there below whatever music's playing. So I became the king of distraction. Anything you could think of, I'd find to fill every waking hour, watching TV, dating, drinking, gaming, maybe doing homework once or twice, but mainly, I was partying. And on August 13th, 2011, I was doing just that. I was home for the summer just kind of bumming around. My parents were out of town and I had the house to myself. So obviously, I invited some friends over who invited some more friends over until eventually the front door was just wide open screaming, "Come on in." At one point, I realized I didn't recognize a single person in my own freaking house. I went to the bathroom to hide and that's when I saw him in the mirror, some guy staring back at me that I didn't know. I was so untethered from myself, I didn't even recognize me anymore. And that's when the constant hum of anxiety grew into a full blown panic. This was it. I didn't want to be that guy in the mirror anymore. I made a promise to myself. I'd get my shit together, I'd stop partying and start doing the work, I'd change. And I did. I started going to class, I cut out people that were toxic and I dedicated myself to growing into the person I wanted...