This Conversation with Charles Duhigg Improved My Communication Skills

(air hissing) (computer mouse clicking) (light serene music) Headspace Studios. Hey, everyone! It's Rosie here. Welcome to "Radio Headspace" and to Sunday. So, I'm actually gonna be doing something pretty different today. I'm gonna be chatting with someone I've been looking forward to meeting for a very long time, Charles Duhigg. Charles is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, journalist, and all-around incredible human being. He's worked for the New York Times, maybe you've heard of it and is also the author of several super fascinating books, including "The Power of Habit," Smarter, Faster, Better," and his latest book, "Super Communicators." There's a lot in here, but it's about the art of communication, how it works, who does it best, and most of all, how to improve it. I think this is essential for us at work, home, and just life in general. So, yeah. Charles, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. So I've been reading your book, and I have to say that I was so fascinated by everything that you talked about in the book, but I know that the thing that prompted you to write this was the communication or lack thereof you were having with your wife, right? Yeah. I'm curious for you, even after you've done this work and this research, what your communication is like with your partner now. Well, it's a lot better now, right? And so, the thing that you're referring to is that one of the reasons I wrote this book is that I got into this pattern with my wife. And I'm a journalist. I'm a professional communicator, theoretically. And my wife and I have been married for 20 years. And we got into this pattern where I would come home from work, and I'd start complaining about my day, and my wife, Liz, would, like, respond with this very good advice. She would say something like, you know, "Why don't you take your boss out to lunch, "and you guys can get to know "each other a little bit better?" And instead of being able to hear what she was saying, I would get even more upset. And I would say, like, "Why aren't you supporting me? "You're supposed to be on my side. "You should be outraged on my behalf." Then she would get upset 'cause I was attacking her for giving me good advice. And this happened again and again and again. And I'm sure this happens in your relationships, right? This is part of relationships. And so I went to these experts, and I asked them, "What's going on here?" Like, "Why does this pattern keep emerging?" And they said, "Well, actually, it's good that you called us "because we're living through this golden age "of understanding communication. "Like, we actually know for the first time "what's actually happening inside your head "as you're having this discussion." And they said, "The thing that we've learned "is that we make this fundamental mistake, "which is...