12 ways to boost your self-confidence

If you want that relaxed feeling of self-confidence, one pathway is to commit to think of yourself in a positive light. There’s a simple exercise that can put any feelings of anxiety to the side. Make a list called “Things I’m Good At.” Are you great at keeping your apartment tidy? Put that on the list! Are you a wonderful listener and a good friend? That should be on your list, too. Be generous with yourself — it’s likely by the end of the 10 minutes it takes to complete this exercise, your brain will be enjoying a surge of endorphins. You’ll see that you have skills worthy of confidence.

Exercise is proven to help us feel better about ourselves, and you don’t have to run a marathon to feel the benefits. Even regular short walks can build up our heart and lungs. And don’t overlook strength training; it’s especially important to continue to build muscle as we age, so that we can maintain confidence in our balance, our stamina, and our strength. Eating right is essential. Research has shown that following a Mediterranean diet and consuming probiotics can aid in building confidence. And finally, make sure you get enough sleep. Most studies recommend at least seven hours a night. Rest revives our minds and bodies. If you exercise, eat right, and sleep well, your confidence will grow steadily along with your health.

Just like your body, your mind gets stronger when you use it. So give your mind a workout. Do a crossword puzzle. Read a book. Write an email or a long text to a friend or family member you’ve haven’t heard from in a while. In addition to exercising your brain, the sense of completion alone will give you a confidence boost.

For a short period every day, turn off your screens, and give your eyes and mental health a break by simply being, acknowledging your existence, and maybe even by meditating. Research has shown that meditation can have a positive impact on self-esteem and self-efficacy. And you don’t need to travel far to find a teacher to help you meditate. The Headspace app has hundreds of guided meditations available right on your phone, anytime.

Research has shown that mentors — whether they advise you in your professional life, in your personal life, or on the playing field — can help mentees build self-esteem. Mentors can provide us with a mental approach or inside secrets to doing your job more effectively. And simply by agreeing to spend time with us and share their wisdom, they can make us feel worthy and instill us with confidence. The mentor-mentee relationship is a two-way street. By asking someone to be your mentor, you might also give them more confidence in themselves with the knowledge that someone like you thinks what they have to offer is worthwhile.

It’s possible you have hidden skills you haven’t tapped into. Learning a skill can open new pathways in the brain and make us think differently about the world, and about ourselves. Mastering the basics of a new hobby like woodworking or beekeeping or bowling makes us feel excited, energized, and capable, which leads to a greater feeling of self-confidence. The painter Vincent van Gogh summed it up quite nicely: “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” So silence those voices in your head that lack confidence by trying something new today.

We have all received compliments on an idea, an outfit, a one-liner. To make sure you remember yours, write them down in a notebook or a spreadsheet. Mark down who praised you, what they said, and when. Keep this list of compliments handy, so you can take a look at them to provide validity to your self confidence. And when you’re feeling down on yourself, this list will serve as receipts that you’re more powerful than you sometimes think.

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Here’s a secret. Just about everybody experiences self doubt sometimes. For example, people who have great confidence in one sport may lack it in another. People who are supremely confident coders may lack the same view of their investing skills. And folks who have confidence in their public speaking skills may harbor doubts about their small talk capabilities. Don’t get down on yourself for lacking confidence every once in a while, because even the best of us are faking their own confidence at times. The playwright Lillian Hellman offered this advice: "It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it."

It’s good to feel needed. Odds are there are organizations in your area that need volunteers just like you. You may find that your skills are in demand by a local organization. By doing the tasks needed by a non-profit, you may also happen upon new skills that you never knew you had. Ultimately, helping others often has the side effect of helping ourselves and potentially building our self-confidence, too. Practicing the golden rule can have a silver lining.

If you’re trying many of the tips listed here for building confidence, and you’re still lacking in self-esteem, you might consider seeing a mental health therapist or mental health coach. Talk therapy is a pathway to feeling better about ourselves. In conversation with a therapist or coach, it’s possible you can uncover the barriers you have been subconsciously placing in the way of building your confidence. Headspace offers virtual mental health coaching, which you can access right from the Headspace app. Schedule live chat sessions at times that work for you — including after work hours and on weekends.

There’s one thing better than thinking about becoming more confident — and that’s taking action. If you think you don’t have the skills necessary to be confident in a particular area, then the first step is putting in the work to practice those skills. If you lack social confidence, put yourself out there more often in situations where you can hone your small talk skills. If you lack confidence as a student, study more. If you doubt your basketball skills, practice free throws. At work, read more about your industry or take an online course about your trade. Goethe, the great German writer and polymath, was a believer in action.

Feeling confident is a good thing; having the skills and the know-how to be confident about is even better. That feeling of confidence in yourself is so valuable from a mental health standpoint. It’s a feeling that everyone can have, and it’s a feeling that can be learned and acquired.

This list of tips to help you feel more confident is by no means exhaustive. It’s only scratched the surface. We’d like to hear from you: Maybe you can help us add to the list. What approaches have you taken that have made you feel more confident in yourself?