The power of alone time

Ah, ‘alone time’ — those precious moments of your day where you don’t have your boss breathing down your neck or your roommate asking you “what’s for dinner?” It’s just you and your car and your favorite podcast, or maybe it’s just you and your sudsy bathtub and a few flickering candles. Merriam Webster defines ‘alone time’ as time spent apart from others. A pretty straightforward definition for a culturally fraught subject. The debate here is whether or not there is a difference between ‘alone time’ and loneliness — turns out there is. In an article for The New York Times, assistant professor of psychology at Middlebury College, Virginia Thomas confirms that ‘alone time’ is different from loneliness. She claims that loneliness means that we aren’t connected to others as much as we would prefer, which can sometimes lead to emotional distress. On the other hand, intentionally spending time alone (alone time) is “almost always” a positive experience.

Humans are social creatures. In fact, it’s been stipulated that we survived and prospered as a species due to our ability to form and maintain strong social connections. Since the dawn of the internet and its widespread use and the very recent COVID-19 pandemic, which pushed us all even further online and away from one another, there has been growing concern about an increase in loneliness. In fact, the US Surgeon General declared a loneliness epidemic in May 2023. And the science suggests the uproar is warranted. One study shows that loneliness can lead to an increase in anxiety, depression, obesity, high blood pressure and even early death. Other surprising symptoms of loneliness include feeling physically colder, experiencing insomnia from prolonged and heightened states of stress, and a decrease in dopamine levels due to a lack of social interaction.

But alone time is not the same thing as loneliness. Unlike loneliness, alone time is intentional time spent with ourselves doing things we love or simply daydreaming. In fact, some people are eager to find time for themselves. In 2015, the Pew Research Center found that 85% of US adults believe that it is important to find time to be completely alone. But of course, we aren’t all exactly the same. We have our individual situations, personalities, needs, and desires. So, alone time tends to look different for different personality types.

No surprise that there are several benefits to finding time to be alone on your couch curled up with a book, or sipping an iced beverage on a solo walk in your neighborhood. One study found that thinking about alone time and then spending time alone actually boosted the mood of participants. And the same study also uncovered that alone time has the potential of helping us regulate our emotions. Another study found that highly creative people actually seek out alone time to help get the creative juices flowing.

For introverts, this solitude often comes up in activities like reading, writing, or creating art, where a quiet environment encourages deep thinking and new ideas. In these moments, introverts can connect with their inner selves, discovering insights that might otherwise remain hidden. Extroverts also find that alone time can spark creativity, giving them a chance to experiment and come up with ideas without immediate external input. This time is crucial, allowing them to refine and workshop their thoughts before sharing and expanding on them with others.

Creativity is one way that alone time lets us experience the world with curiosity — bringing a sense of fulfillment and purpose, while driving both personal and collective growth.

So, how do we know if we need more alone time in the first place?

1. You’ve got a short fuse. Irritation and underlying anger or discontent could be signs that you're in need of some ‘me time’ to calm your nervous system.
2. You’re no longer having fun. Maybe you're bored or need a change of scenery. Whatever it might be, some time spent alone in a new environment could do you some good.
3. You’re tired. You can’t seem to concentrate on anything. Maybe you’re a busy parent and need to put yourself in ‘time out.’
4. Hanging out with others (or even the thought of it) makes you anxious. There’s no better time to take a step back from social interactions to recharge your batteries.
5. Your stress level is high. If you can’t seem to lower your cortisol levels, it’s time for a personal day to reset.
6. You're always in a hurry. This goes out to those always on the GO, GO, GO: this is your permission slip to take a breather and indulge in some alone time.

Despite the many therapeutic benefits of alone time, there are some stigmas that are unavoidable in our busy capitalist society. One is the fear of loneliness which we covered earlier, lucky for us it has been determined that alone time is not the same thing as being lonely. We’re also taught to praise the 40-hour (let’s be real, 80-hour) work week and keep our schedules jam-packed with ‘to dos’. On top of that, we want to be accommodating to our coworkers, family, and friends, so it’s not a surprise that alone time gets pushed way down to the bottom of our list of priorities. But if we’re clear, flexible, and specific about our need for alone time and are willing to return the favor, we can gain the important space we need to recalibrate our nervous systems and avoid overstimulation, stress, and the dreaded B-word: burnout.

There are several things you can do to ensure you spend your time alone wisely.

• Make room in your schedule for alone time, just like you would for a dinner date with a friend.
• Silence your notifications or make an active effort to stay off social media or other social online platforms.
• Plan your solo date. Maybe you visit a quiet museum; or spend a day alone under a tree in a park; or try your hand at watercolors; or lounge on your couch while listening to an audiobook — whatever you choose, be intentional and leave room for daydreaming.
• Take a walk around the block. Spending time outdoors has been found to have huge benefits to our well-being.

And if you get caught up in an overwhelming fear of being alone, consider reframing the idea of ‘alone time’ as not just solitude, but a tool in your growing toolbox to regulate your emotions and improve your overall well-being.

Introverts and extroverts: an overview

How introverts and extroverts respond to dopamine

Alone time for introverts and extroverts

So, you’ve determined what alone time is, why it’s important for your well-being, and even planned a solo date for next week, but have you talked to your partner about your need for more intentional alone time? According to a 2023 article in Harper's Bazaar, there are several reasons to consider incorporating some ‘me time’ while in a relationship, some of these essentials include:

• alone time focuses on your individuality;
• it allows you to pursue things you like outside the coupledom;
• it improves your conversations; and
• gives you the space you need to foster original thoughts.

So, have these essentials in your back pocket when you approach your partner about wanting to have some alone time. There’s nothing wrong with wanting time to yourself when you are in a relationship. In fact, it’s healthy to have your own life and preserve your own identity to avoid codependency.

Looking to make the most out of your alone time? Headspace's mental health coaching can be a fantastic tool to support you with just that. With tailored support, mental health coaches can empower you to discover what you really need and want when it comes to solo time, and find ways to incorporate mindfulness, creativity and relaxation into your daily life. From setting boundaries to creating a calming space, coaches can offer tips and tricks to help you enjoy your alone time to the fullest. By teaming up with a mental health coach, you can really learn to embrace and make the most of your solo moments, leading to personal growth, less stress, and an all-around happier you.